In an industry we’re all passionate about, it can be hard not to take conflict personally – but psychologist Janet Evans suggests taking a step back.

Joe, a TV producer, is about to start work on a series with a famously ‘difficult’ presenter. Tom has a reputation for getting upset, shouting at the crew, and even disappearing from filming for days at a time. Joe’s worried about the effect on his team, the budget and the timetable for the project. Should he make clear to Tom that he won’t tolerate such behaviour on his production?

Chloe is a production manager. She is outraged by the way in which the director is behaving. He has just had a blazing row with the presenter and now they’ve both turned on her and are implying that everything is her fault. She is upset and angry. Why should she have to absorb all this criticism and negative emotion?

Some of the most daunting challenges we face at work are those occasions when we, or the people we work with, are hijacked by strong emotions.

I know from my coaching practice that this is a recurrent issue in the creative industries, with their mix of executives conscious of budgets and deadlines, creatives dedicated to their personal vision and talent with their reputations on the line. This collision of motivations and personalities provides just the conditions to ignite the emotional vulnerabilities from which many of us suffer. To deal with these scenarios it can really help if you have some understanding of the psychology which underlies them.

Some of us are genetically programmed to be anxious and emotionally volatile. We can also bring with us the emotional imprint of a difficult childhood, with a parent who criticised but rarely praised us. When someone critiques a piece of our work we may take it personally because it evokes the fear and shame we felt as a child. Many highly successful people owe at least some of their drive to this sort of history. It doesn’t help that, as studies show, being in an influential position actually makes us less sensitive to the feelings of others.

If you have this emotional makeup issues at work can arouse anxiety and fear which trigger your fight or flight reaction. You may become upset, defensive, angry, unable to focus or even depressed.

We know from the frank accounts of contemporary talented and creative people, that many of them suffer from this sort of emotional volatility.  Studies show that compared with the general population, artists are more than 10 times more likely to suffer from major depressive illness. Talented people often use their work to medicate their mental suffering.

So what can you do, if you have to deal with strong negative emotions from a colleague in the workplace? It’s very hard not to react emotionally yourself, especially if you, or a member of your team is taking the brunt. But if we apply a bit of psychological knowledge it enables us to handle things in a more objective and intelligent way, to engage our rational minds and think of the issue as a professional challenge.

What do we see when we look at our two case studies through this psychological lens?

Tom exhibits the classic fight/flight behaviours of someone who is intensely emotionally vulnerable; indeed, he has talked openly in the past about his struggles with depression. A warning from Joe would trigger Tom’s bad feelings about himself and arouse his defences. In the event Joe’s successful strategy is to soothe Tom’s insecurities by making clear how much he is valued and taking seriously his concerns. This sort of support and empathy have magical properties – they increase our mental flexibility and open the way to compromise.

There are two people in all these situations. Chloe realises on reflection that her reaction has been magnified by the childhood impact of parental rows. She steps back and sees the issue more objectively, and with the help of the producer, adopts a calming and mediating role, again listening to and empathising with the concerns of each side.

In summary, try to see the issue as a professional problem; acquire a bit of psychological knowledge – read up, reflect on your own emotional history, and research who you’re dealing with so that you understand their sensitivities. And try to put yourself in their shoes – understand their worries – and show you value them by listening and empathising.

Do these things, and you may well be able to turn confrontation into a win for everyone.